What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
