My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
