She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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