I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies