We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!