Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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