Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
