Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
