she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
