Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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