Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
