You smell like a Billy Joel song
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
