while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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