I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
