SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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