I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
