He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
