the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
worst night to have a conscience
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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