Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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