And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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