Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
