I want you more than these girls want KFC
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
