i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
