If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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