At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
