I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
