im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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