you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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