Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
