I love black thongs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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