Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
