Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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