Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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