It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
