My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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