there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
