im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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