I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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