I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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