3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
