they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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