Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
