He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
