Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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