I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
