Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
