break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
