I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Me. At least after what I've been through.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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