i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He better not be in your backpack
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
