he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
