Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
