yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
