Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
