i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
