it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
