I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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