Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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