someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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